As a mother, I will never give up on my child. As a mother of a child who has autism, I will never give up hope.
I look into his eyes and I see all the potential that he has to offer to this beautiful world and I just know that one day the world can see what I see.

Follow my blog as I share my life and my experiences as a person who loves someone with autism.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Ugly of Autism

This is an intense poem. I'm sort of up and down on it. I think it reflects all the negativity and ugliness behind autism, that may not always exist, and it does not reflect any of the beautiful side behind autism that can be seen just the same, if not more. That being said, I wanted to post it because I do feel that while it is very dark and negative, it does speak some truth in what some families can go through. Let’s not kid ourselves, autism isn’t always rainbows and sometimes it rains.

I Am Autism
by Marty Murphy

Hello. Allow me to introduce myself to you. My name is Autism. Perhaps you know me or know of me. I am a condition, a "disorder" that affects many people. I strike at will, when and where I want. Unlike Downs Syndrome or other birth "defects," I leave no marks on those I strike. In fact, I pride myself on the ability to infiltrate a Childs life, while leaving him or her strikingly handsome. Many people may not even know that I am there. They blame the child for what I cause him or her to do. I am Autism and I do as I please.

I am Autism. I strike boys and girls, infants and toddlers. I find my best victims to be boys around the age of 2, but any child will do. I like children and they are always the true victims, though I take hostage the others in the child's family as well. It is a bit like getting two for the price of one. I affect one child and infect the entire family.

I am Autism. I strike rich and poor alike. The rich combat me with education and therapy. The poor shut their children away and cannot afford to fight me. I am able to win in the lives of poor children more than I am of the wealthy, but I will try to take root anywhere.

I am Autism. I am an equal opportunity disorder. I like whites, blacks, Mexicans, Ukrainians, Russians, Poles, Slavs, Japanese, Koreans and Fins. In fact, I strike everywhere on earth. I know no geographical bounds.

I am Autism. I do not discriminate based upon religion either. I strike Jews and Christians, Muslims and Buddhists, Atheists and Agnostics, Hindus and Rastafarians. I do not care what religion a person is or what beliefs he may hold. When I strike, there will be little time for any of that anyway. When they find me, they will question everything the believe in, so why would I strike any one group? I have affected followers of every religion on the planet.

I am Autism and I am strong and getting stronger every year, every month, every day, every minute, and every second. I am concerned that money might be allotted to combat me and my takeover of children, but so far I have little to fear. Some countries, like Kuwait, are spending quite a bit of money to assist those who I have targeted and some, like the United States, would rather spend money on such ludicrous things as discovering the number of American Indians who practice voodoo, as opposed to combating me. In an atmosphere as that, I can flourish and wreck havoc at will. In places such as that, I rub my hands with glee at the problem I can cause to children, families and to the society at large.

I am Autism. When I come, I come to stay. I take the dreams and hopes of every parent and trample them with glee. I see the fear and confusion in the eyes of my victims and I see the formation of wrinkles, worries and ulcers and the pain on the face of their parents. I see the embarrassment their child causes because of me and the parents unsuccessful attempt to hide their child and, me. I see tears and the parents cry and feel the tears of their child. I am Autism. I leave sorrow in my wake.

I am Autism. I teeth and give nothing but bewilderment and loathing in return. I take speech and learning, I take socialization and understanding. I take away "common sense" and if I am allowed to flourish, I take away all but their physical life. What I leave behind, is almost worse than death.

I am Autism. I fear nothing except courage, which I thankfully see little of. I fear those who take a stand against me and attempt to fight me and bring others into the fight as well. I fear those who try to make it safe and easier for my victims in the community, and their families. I fear those who push ahead, despite the fact that I am in tow. I fear the day that I will be eradicated from the planet. Yet, I do not fear too much right now. There is no need.

I am Autism and I bet you know me or know of me. If you don't, you probably will soon. I am marching forward faster than I ever have before. I am looking for new children all the time. I dread the day I will be looked on with pity, or worse yet, understanding, for that day, is the day I will begin to die. But, I don't think that will happen for a long long time though, do you? In the meantime, I prowl onward, looking to cause pain and suffering wherever I go. I have so much work to do and thankfully, no one is stopping me.

Hello my name is Autism. Perhaps you know me or know of me...

Autism Creations

About the author: Marty Murphy is an adult with Autism Spectrum Disorder who was born and raised in central Illinois. With her personal insight and presentations on autism across Illinois, Marty has made a tremendous impact on how parents, teachers, and administrators look at our children's futures.

Thanks for reading,


  1. I'd not read that before. It's unusual to hear an adult with autism speak of autism like that. Usually they don't like thinking that they "leave sorrow in their wake". I would never want my ASD daughter to think that she has brought me sorrow, but at the same time I grieve every day and I wonder how much she knows.

  2. This truned out great and it's awesome you used one of my tags!!!

  3. @Lynn It does put a different perspective on things, eh? We just try to send the best message we can, always putting a smile on our face, and hoping that anyone who sees it, believes it.

  4. @Anonymous Well thank you for sharing the poem! And we love your tags!

  5. Actually, I wrote this. I wrote it for a person I had only met online, to give to the Wisconsin legislature (her state, not mine) who was attempting to cut funding for autistic families. Yes, that poem is ugly. It was meant to me. If you are trying to get funding to help families affected by severe autism, you explain it from their point of view. I wrote this in mind with a child who is severely affected. Since I wrote it, that child has been placed in a residential school and the parents divorced. THAT is the ugly side of autism but autism does have a beautiful side. When a child with autism hugs you, its a real hug. It is not to get something from you.I have high functioning autism so its a long way from severe but I work with severely impacted children and while there is an ugly side, we must remember that the kids themselves are wonderful. I am not of the mindset all autism is a wonderful thing. It is not. I am also not of the impression that all kids with autism need curing. They do not but let's face it, we want the lives of those severely impacted to be easier. I wrote this, with that in mind. It was only an attempt to show the Wisconsin politicians what severe autism is.

    Marty Murphy


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